6.28 in the morning and I haven’t slept and I have been crying nearly all night.
The ride home was sometime between 8.21 and 8.54. That whole time I was thinking I’m actually thoroughly unhappy about most things and completely indifferent to everything else.
6.34 I fell asleep for half a sentence. I thought I felt you grab my hand.
6.35 In all these years since highschool, I haven’t forgotten you for a day. It’s so hard grasping the difference between loving you and not being ready to be in love with you. It hurts.
6.39 All these years and we still aren’t quite ready to be together, even if we both believe we’re meant for each other. Because we are.
6.41 We’ll figure out the space we both need in the meantime. Emotional space and physical distance. We both have a lot of healing to do. I want to grow up and get better so we can be better and I can do better by you.
6.58 Fell asleep again, phantom touch again. I should just text you goodnight. Tell you I love you. Give you a kiss. I’m pretending you aren’t 1800 and something miles away.
STOP. YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE SO DUMB.